One of the things I did when I was in the hospital was read the Fifty Shades trilogy. Knowing it was a kinky version of Twilight that started as a fanfic, I was expecting a light read that didn’t require excessive use of the brain cells (don’t get me wrong, there is some AMAZING fanfic out there, I just didn’t expect to find it in this series, though I would have been delighted to have been proven wrong). Anger, disgust and shock (not at the bdsm scenes, they are NOTHING if you have ever read or done anything even mildly kinky) were but a few of the reactions.
Control? Christian can’t even control himself how in the holy hell can he possibly expect to control anyone else? Oh, abuse and money, and the almighty power of his supposedly amazing penis.
I am not going to write a full review, as I found the best reviews ever on Goodreads by an extremely eloquent (and funny as all get out) wordsmith in her own right, Katrina Lumsden. Here are links to her reviews Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.
Here is the comment I left on her last review, but it basically gives my opinion of the entire trilogy. And I didn’t (and won’t) even get into how many shades of wrong EL James is for stealing another author’s work and tossing in some kink (which she knows pretty much nothing about). Every word Katrina wrote I agree with, so many thanks to her for saving me the trouble. And her use of animated gifs is genius. Enjoy. Your’re welcome.
My comment: (I am Sherry Conrad on Goodreads, if anyone wants to friend me there, I accept all requests).
OMFG best. reviews. ever. (I am way more than 50 shades of f*cked up so I can say that.
Two weeks in the hospital hopped up on painkillers with nothing to do but let the nurses drug me up, get pointless expensive tests and watch tv, which I don’t, ever (this may change as I believe I will have to look up the delicious man candy from your gifs)I succumbed and had one of the girls download this waste of several hours onto my Kindle. Or maybe my Nook.
Doesn’t really matter, it contaminated one of my e readers and I thought since I had seen nothing but good crap about the series on pinterest and some mommy groups (I can get behind some kink, some ssc bdsm http://youtu.be/REuLlW2ktMg?t=1m36s , even some pain for fun and some sexy bad boys) http://youtu.be/Ud4HuAzHEUc I was the only one who thought this rubbish sucked and not in a good way.
I’ve been putting off doing a review because I really didn’t know where to begin and then I found a link to your reviews on Pinterest and you said everything so much more eloquently (and remembered a hell of a lot more than I did, I pretty much remembered simpering idiot, controlling whiny abusive asshat, dumbest. college. grad. ever. and the overuse. OMG the genius dialect- I mean surely it took genius to keep remembering the same words over and over and over again instead of letting a synonym slip in now and again?
Anyone who doesn’t want to punch the f*cking always moist inner goddess is a better soul than I because violent disgust is the only reaction I have to her sweet little metaphor for her vagina. (I’m a grown up I can use words like vagina).
I too worry that women (girls, really, or bored, lonely frustrated housewives whom I console myself with by convincing my own subconscious that they have simply got to be sleep deprived and they will eventually get it) will look for a scumbag douchekazoo* like Christian to “save”, sure they will be the one to save him.
*douchekazoo is a word my daughter coined to describe maggoty people she knew where douchebag and the like simply weren’t vile enough to describe.
Well, ha, sorry wrote a long ass review anyways, all to say thanks for the amazingly accurate review, and best laughs I have had in a long, long time. (And the man candy, pretty pretty man candy- including my boytoy Johnny Depp).
Laters, baby. *smirks* My personal pet peeve overused phrases from the wasted hours of my life I can never get back. Oh well at least I was on drugs, which probably made the experience more tolerable.
(Are you worried if you ever hear someone say laters, baby you will beat the snot out of them? because I know my fist gets twitching.) Oh yeah, twitching palm- that’s another one. UGH make it go away!!! Please, in the name of all that’s good and right in the world erase my memories.
p.s. I didn’t know how to imbed the vids here, they are Pain by Three Days Grace and Papa Roach’s To Be Loved, both fun little kink songs that seem to fit, with my type of bad boy rocker w/eyeliner man candy. A little scene music to f*ck by if you’re into that kind of thing. Maybe they will let me be the music picker outer for the movie? You can pick the pretty boys and I can pick the tunes for the red room of pain. (Does anyone else think of my boyfriend running around singsonging red rum red rum red rum when they read red room?)
Lyrics from Wanna Be Loved Papa Roach
I want domination
I want your submission
I see you’re not resisting
To this temptation
I’ve got one confession
A love deprivation
I’ve got a jet black heart
It’s all fucked up and it’s falling apart
Lyrics from Pain Three Days Grace
Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
You’re sick of feeling numb
You’re not the only one
I’ll take you by the hand
And I’ll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn’t work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand