I have been meaning to post since I got out of the hospital, but life, laziness and lack of blood have set in bigtime.
One of the things I did when I was in the hospital was read the Fifty Shades trilogy. Knowing it was a kinky version of Twilight that started as a fanfic, I was expecting a light read that didn’t require excessive use of the brain cells (don’t get me wrong, there is some AMAZING fanfic out there, I just didn’t expect to find it in this series, though I would have been delighted to have been proven wrong). Anger, disgust and shock (not at the bdsm scenes, they are NOTHING if you have ever read or done anything even mildly kinky) were but a few of the reactions.
Control? Christian can’t even control himself how in the holy hell can he possibly expect to control anyone else? Oh, abuse and money, and the almighty power of his supposedly amazing penis.
I am not going to write a full review, as I found the best reviews ever on Goodreads by an extremely eloquent (and funny as all get out) wordsmith in her own right, Katrina Lumsden. Here are links to her reviews Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.
Here is the comment I left on her last review, but it basically gives my opinion of the entire trilogy. And I didn’t (and won’t) even get into how many shades of wrong EL James is for stealing another author’s work and tossing in some kink (which she knows pretty much nothing about). Every word Katrina wrote I agree with, so many thanks to her for saving me the trouble. And her use of animated gifs is genius. Enjoy. Your’re welcome.
My comment: (I am Sherry Conrad on Goodreads, if anyone wants to friend me there, I accept all requests).
OMFG best. reviews. ever. (I am way more than 50 shades of f*cked up so I can say that. 
Two weeks in the hospital hopped up on painkillers with nothing to do but let the nurses drug me up, get pointless expensive tests and watch tv, which I don’t, ever (this may change as I believe I will have to look up the delicious man candy from your gifs)I succumbed and had one of the girls download this waste of several hours onto my Kindle. Or maybe my Nook.
Doesn’t really matter, it contaminated one of my e readers and I thought since I had seen nothing but good crap about the series on pinterest and some mommy groups (I can get behind some kink, some ssc bdsm http://youtu.be/REuLlW2ktMg?t=1m36s , even some pain for fun and some sexy bad boys) http://youtu.be/Ud4HuAzHEUc I was the only one who thought this rubbish sucked and not in a good way.
I’ve been putting off doing a review because I really didn’t know where to begin and then I found a link to your reviews on Pinterest and you said everything so much more eloquently (and remembered a hell of a lot more than I did, I pretty much remembered simpering idiot, controlling whiny abusive asshat, dumbest. college. grad. ever. and the overuse. OMG the genius dialect- I mean surely it took genius to keep remembering the same words over and over and over again instead of letting a synonym slip in now and again?
Anyone who doesn’t want to punch the f*cking always moist inner goddess is a better soul than I because violent disgust is the only reaction I have to her sweet little metaphor for her vagina. (I’m a grown up I can use words like vagina).
I too worry that women (girls, really, or bored, lonely frustrated housewives whom I console myself with by convincing my own subconscious that they have simply got to be sleep deprived and they will eventually get it) will look for a scumbag douchekazoo* like Christian to “save”, sure they will be the one to save him.
*douchekazoo is a word my daughter coined to describe maggoty people she knew where douchebag and the like simply weren’t vile enough to describe.
Well, ha, sorry wrote a long ass review anyways, all to say thanks for the amazingly accurate review, and best laughs I have had in a long, long time. (And the man candy, pretty pretty man candy- including my boytoy Johnny Depp).
Laters, baby. *smirks* My personal pet peeve overused phrases from the wasted hours of my life I can never get back. Oh well at least I was on drugs, which probably made the experience more tolerable.
(Are you worried if you ever hear someone say laters, baby you will beat the snot out of them? because I know my fist gets twitching.) Oh yeah, twitching palm- that’s another one. UGH make it go away!!! Please, in the name of all that’s good and right in the world erase my memories.
p.s. I didn’t know how to imbed the vids here, they are Pain by Three Days Grace and Papa Roach’s To Be Loved, both fun little kink songs that seem to fit, with my type of bad boy rocker w/eyeliner man candy. A little scene music to f*ck by if you’re into that kind of thing. Maybe they will let me be the music picker outer for the movie? You can pick the pretty boys and I can pick the tunes for the red room of pain. (Does anyone else think of my boyfriend running around singsonging red rum red rum red rum when they read red room?)
Lyrics from Wanna Be Loved Papa Roach
I want domination
I want your submission
I see you’re not resisting
To this temptation
I’ve got one confession
A love deprivation
I’ve got a jet black heart
It’s all fucked up and it’s falling apart
Lyrics from Pain Three Days Grace
Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
You’re sick of feeling numb
You’re not the only one
I’ll take you by the hand
And I’ll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn’t work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Mom you are a stronger person than I. I couldn’t get thought the first 100 pages of the first book. Its badly written and our “heroine” is such a whiny unlikable Mary-Sue idiot just… How in the hell did she graduate college? My professors would have eaten her for lunch. Put it this way I read all the Twilight books..which I haaaattttteeeeee the later books and I couldn’t even get through this that’s how bad it is.
Sure, it was not the best written novel, but it does have that appeal that made me want to read each book to see what happens, as did Twilight. It seems that books don’t have to be well written to make the best seller list, they just have to spark one’s curiosity and keep one focused. If I don’t like a book, I am quick to put it down and I certainly would not have read the sequel (or TWO sequels) no matter how bored I was in a hospital. In fact, I read 5o Shades Darker from my hospital bed after my hysterectomy. These books were a great diversion, and I don’t apologize for reading and liking them. Dodo has a strong argument because she couldn’t get through them, sorry but you do not. You stayed with it which weakens your argument tremendously. How can you hate a book so much yet read all three of them? Sorry, as one who is forever dropping books after 100 pages, I’m NOT trusting your review.
That’s your right and privilege not to trust my review, and as far as liking them- more power to you. I read the Twilight books as well, all the while thinking things like really, he’s lived hundreds of years (the doctor) and doesn’t realize he can give the chick blood by IV. It doesn’t make you superior to be able to look away from a train wreck, or mean that you have good judgment. They amused the crap out of me in the omg really kind of way. They were there on my Kindle, I read them, obviously, and admitted to that, how that makes my opinion untrustworthy I am not quite sure, but again, you’re entitled to believe what you like. I also listen to / read news that infuriates me, sue me.
How am I supposed to have an intelligent argument about something I haven’t read for myself, if I only go by what others say? I have a lot of friends who loved the books, and I don’t think less of them, but I sure as hell hope that they don’t think someone like Christian is a good bet, he’s a troubled soul, no doubt, most of his behavior is classic for abusers, not in any way shape or form a good love interest. My main issue is that gullible women who want the romance and fantasy are going to think they will be the one to change someone like him. Someone who is in control of him or herself would not do things to their partner (kinky/sexy or not) until the partner is ready emotionally, and Christian can’t even control his own emotions/reactions.
I’m glad you liked the books and found escape in them, I found something else, and you know, diversity is what makes life interesting and that’s okay. I don’t and wouldn’t say you aren’t trustworthy because you liked the characters or didn’t see the travesty of a lifestyle it may or may not be your first glimpse of or you toss aside books after 100 pages without giving them a chance to live up to their potential. I like to get my money’s worth out of things so unlike you I don’t often drop books because there is some value in just about everything – they amused me in a train wreck sort of way, I didn’t have to think to read them, I certainly am not lying about my feelings and can list dozens, hundreds, quite possibly thousands of books with better plots, more likable characters and certainly better sex scenes, both with and without the kink factor.
I have friends who aren’t particularly well educated so I can get past the grammatical inconsistencies, but it is amazingly difficult to think that a college grad doesn’t know what a synonym is or that she can’t figure out that using them here and there would make for a better read. Again, I am glad you enjoyed them, that they helped you pass the time, and the main reason aside from thinking there will be a whole lot of women getting the crap beaten out of them because they are with someone who can’t control himself is that they are pretty much ripping off another author’s work.